An intersting timely article from Times

Are you sizing her up?

A category of women willingly takes advantage of a man’s weakness for the female anatomy, seeing nothing wrong with using their sexuality as bait

Vinita Dawra Nangia
TIMES NEWS NETWORK

    SIZING her up, are you? Ah ha, and you think she doesn’t have any idea what you are up to? Think again. For, she knows. A woman has eyes at the back of her head when it comes to a man looking at her in a particular manner. Her antenna starts beeping and she reacts or responds, depending on how she feels about you!
    So knock those eyeballs back in and roll your lolling tongue right back. For, she could be having a good laugh at your expense. And, the woman who is with you? She certainly knows what you are up to as well and is just waiting for you to turn and look her way. Seen the new Anne French ad? A guy swivels around to look at a pair of silky smooth legs that walk into a restaurant. His eyes follow the legs as they are crossed sensuously, one on top of the other. As he turns back to his female companion, he is greeted with a resounding slap. Camera pans to Kareena; she winks at the girl, who winks back, and they exchange a smile. Kareena looks into the camera and says, “Breakup karwana ho ya gorgeous skin paana ho, naya…..Anne French Roll. Life is on a roll!
    An apt representation of reality. The only one who’s left feeling the fool is the man now alone at the table. The women have conspired, taken advantage of his natural male weakness and played a trick on him. And, why not? If you go around begging for it, anyone would take advantage. If you show your interest so blatantly, you are bound to be taken for a ride!
    If men have been accused of sexual harassment at the workplace, women have their own brand of harassment which uses their own sexuality as their most potent weapon. This is “the raunch culture” that Ariel Levy blasts in her book Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the rise of Raunch Culture. She blames present American culture squarely for encouraging women to objectify themselves, because of which young girls believe they have to be “the hottest” and “the sexiest” rather than “the most accomplished”.
    “If Male Chauvinist Pigs were men who regarded women as pieces of meat, we would outdo them and be Female Chauvinist Pigs: women who make sex objects of other women and of ourselves,” says Ariel, dripping sarcasm in her book. In doing so women seem to strangely imagine they are furthering the cause of Feminism. In reducing the amount of clothing we wear, in piercing our navels and whatever else, and in exposing cleavages and thongs, we imagine we are exhibiting the freedom of choice and spirit of independence. As if in the display of skin and the stupefying effect it seems to have on men, we are empowered. And men seem not to understand the game in which they are led by the …er…nose, willingly enough.
If the boss is lascivious, there is a certain kind of girl who will take full advantage of his weakness and think nothing of exploiting it. She will string him along, flutter her eyelashes, smile enchantingly and give him wet dreams for a long, long time. She may even throw in some suggestive jokes on the cellphone or a naughty message just as he gets ready for bed at night. And not just the lascivious ones, even men who are obviously in awe of pretty yo u n g things and all but pant at their sight, are likely to be led d ow n t h e g a r - den path by a girl skilled enough at the art, with no compunction.
    The middle-aged Indian male is a sitting duck for the Lipstick Feminists who think nothing of using their sexuality as bait and consider sexual allure as synonymous with women empowerment. So make no mistake. When she leans over to hand you the papers, she knows exactly where your eyes are straying and staying stuck. When she bends to pick up the papers that have slipped to the floor, she knows you are trying to decipher the tattooed words just above her butt cleavage or admiring the colour of her thong. And when she is explaining the intricacies of her labour on the project you gave her, she knows as you stroke your chin thoughtfully, you are more focused on the images playing out in your mind rather than her words!
    Despite your words of encouragement and lavish praise, she knows it’s not her work that inspires those words of admiration, but your hope of what else she may be willing to
do for you. The younger the girl, the more the older boss is flattered by her attentions. And if she knows this, why then would she not take advantage of the guy’s slippery morality to further her own cause? She may or may not give you what you want but she will certainly string you along and milk you for what it’s worth!
    As women shed clothes and inhibitions, Ariel complains in her book, “Spectacles of naked ladies have moved from seedy side streets to center-stage, where everyone — men and women — can watch them in broad daylight. Playboy and its ilk are being ‘embraced by young women in a curious way in a post-feminist world’, to borrow the words of Hugh Hefner.”
    However, much as all men are not predators, all women out there are not using their sexuality to lure men either. Most of us, men as well as women, just do our own thing….

THE SHOE BOX

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two knitted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and knit a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.' :)

Hit the communication Bulls-eye

Most top managers around the world tend to overestimate the strength of their communication skills. They often think that since they communicate at work, and since they are successful at their jobs, they must be good communicators.

However, more often than not they are wrong. They are rising through the ranks for various reasons, but they’d go even further in their careers if they worked on their communication a bit. What are they doing wrong? All too often they are talking to other people as if they were talking to themselves.

What they need to remember is just as different people have different personalities, different people have different communication styles, too. Expecting others to communicate the same way they do is as unrealistic as expecting everyone to have the same kind of personality they do. Managers stuck in that unrealistic mindset get less of their message across, and only hear a fraction of the messages being sent their way.

The key to improving communication with coworkers is to understand their different personality types. They don’t need to be psychologists to understand personality types. All that they need is some basic observational skills and the willingness to adjust communication techniques for different types of people.

First, it's important to understand the coworkers’ personality types, then find ways to tailor the style a bit for each one. More of things will get across to the people, and we could receive more of their messages, too. The more every team member understands about every other member, the better this approach will work. We could find the team far more effective when everyone is communicating well with each other.

- Mani.

Be a part of the game!

Social networking has become a ubiquitous feature of online life. It can change the world! Yes. Barack Obama's campaign itself provided evidence that the tools of "Web 2.0" - the community-driven web - can really make a difference.

Even people who don't own a computer know what blogging is. Everyone is talking about it. Heck, even the Doonesbury comic strip ran a few panels on the subject. Anna Kournikova even has a blog for crying out loud!

So, if you can find a decent subject to blog about, there is no reason NOT to get blogging!

Good luck for the few fellow contributors, who have accepted my invitation to blog.

-Mani.

Trust

What is trust and how is trust usefully defined for the workplace? Can you build trust when it doesn’t exist? How do you maintain and build upon the trust you may currently have in your workplace? These are important questions for today’s rapidly changing world.

Trust forms the foundation for effective communication, employee retention, and employee motivation and contribution of discretionary energy, the extra effort that people voluntarily invest in work.

When trust exists in an organization or in a relationship, almost everything else is easier and more comfortable to achieve.

Trust is of components: "the capacity, the perception of competence, and the perception of intentions."

The capacity for trusting means that your total life experiences have developed your current capacity and willingness to risk trusting others.

The perception of competence is made up of your perception of your ability and the ability of others with whom you work to perform competently at whatever is needed in your current situation.

The perception of intentions, is your perception that the actions, words, direction, mission, or decisions are motivated by mutually-serving rather than self-serving motives.

Trust is the basis for much of the environment you want to create in your work place. Trust is built and maintained by many small actions over time. Trust is not a matter of technique, but of character; we are trusted because of our way of being, not because of our polished exteriors or our expertly crafted communications.

So fundamentally, trust, is the cornerstone, the foundation, for everything you'd like your organization to be now and for everything you'd like it to become in the future. Lay this groundwork well.

Trust is telling the truth, even when it is difficult, and being truthful, authentic, and trustworthy in your dealings with customers and staff. Can profoundly-rewarding, mission-serving, life- and work-enhancing actions get any simpler than this? Not likely.

- Mani.

Boss Vs. Leaders

I often find that many people confuse leadership with positional power. We tend to believe that a person in a position of authority or someone with a title, has their position or title due to their leadership qualities. However, in many cases there is no correlation between someone’s position and their leadership quality. Just having a title does not make one a leader, leaderships is about influence. Title only buys time to exercise true leadership, and in this time leadership either increases or diminishes and eventually fails. There is a huge difference between being a boss and being a leader…! Consider the following…

• A Boss creates fear. A leader creates confidence.
• Bossism creates resentment. Leadership creates enthusiasm.
• A Boss says "I". A leader says "We".
• Boss says "Get here on time". Leaders get there ahead of time.
• A Boss fixes blame. A leader fixes mistakes.
• A Boss knows how. A leader shows how.
• Bossism makes work drudgery. Leadership makes work interesting.
• A Boss relies on authority. A Leader relies on cooperation & good will.
• A Boss drives. A Leader coaches people.
• Boss says "Go". Leader says "Let's Go".

People follow the boss because they have to and if they want to keep their jobs. People follow leaders because of who they are and were they are going. Too many leaders today rely on their position to lead. How about you?

- Mani.

Why do good hands quit?

"People leave managers not companies," says, Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.

Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.

An employee got an opportunity with an MNC, which had a great reputation and the offer was exemplary. The company was in the top list of Fortune 500. It had all the right systems in place employee - friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new office, and the very best technology, even a canteen that served superb food.

He also got the opportunity to travel abroad twice. "My learning curve is the sharpest it's ever been," he said soon after he joined.

After six months, he joined, he decided to walk out of the job.

Why did this talented employee decide to leave?

He decided to quit for the same reason that drives many good people away. The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the GallupOrganization.

The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called "First Break All The Rules". It came up with this surprising finding :

If you're losing good people, look to their immediate boss. Immediate boss is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he's the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge, experience and contacts with them, straight to the competition.

Mostly manager drives people away? HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable. The first time, an employee may not leave,but a thought has been planted. The second time that thought gets strengthened. The third time, he looks for another job.

When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information. Dev says: "If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don’t have your heart and soul in the job."

Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious, too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a trivial issue.

" Talented men leave. Dead wood doesn't. "Jack Welch of GE once said. A company's value lies "between the ears of its employees".

- Mani.